Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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