Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
ok first of all what the fuck
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