I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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