Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
