why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
