I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
