you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
