My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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