He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
