K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
