im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
