I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
