Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
