A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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