So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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