whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
