gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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