i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
