some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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