How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
