Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
