i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
