Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
