you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
