Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
