My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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