Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
