I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
