dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
