our cab driver is having phone sex.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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