At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
