i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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