may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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