dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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