I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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