you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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