your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
