Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
