I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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