Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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