real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
