At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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