Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
