"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
