dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
