its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
