Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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