Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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