All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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