I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
